The Archive Chronicles from the Throne
Every dispatch from the end of the internet, preserved for whichever civilisation comes next.
How to Stay Safe Online? You Cannot. The King's Anti-Counsel
The court publishes its official online safety guidance. It has been tested on the Squire. It includes seventeen left boots, a snail, and the loss of an entire Tuesday. The royal lawyers insisted.
August 2026How Strong Is My Password? The Royal Horse Decides
The court has replaced the password strength meter with a horse named Staple. Verdicts are delivered by neigh. He has rejected the Chancellor, the Squire, and the King. He is never wrong.
August 2026What Is a Zero-Day Attack? The King Bans the Number Zero
Briefed on the menace of zero-day attacks, the King identifies the culprit with impeccable logic: the number zero. It has been escorted to the border. Cybersecurity is solved.
August 2026The Idiot Admin: A Royal Honours Ceremony
The court gathers to honour its most dangerous subject: the admin whose password is on a sticky note, whose backups died in 2022, and whose firewall rule from 2019 is still 'temporary'.
August 2026My Smart Fridge Is Plotting Against Me: A Royal Inquiry
A midnight inquiry into the household: the fridge and its yoghurt sponsor, the doorbell's criminal past, the vacuum drawing maps for persons unknown, and the telly, which was asked what it was watching and answered.
August 2026The Trial of a Phishing Email: Court Transcript
The accused claims to be your bank, a parcel courier and a prince simultaneously. Defended by the spam filter that missed it, judged by eleven receipts and a newsletter. Sentence carried out at dawn.
August 2026Should I Let an AI Agent Use My Computer? The King Rules
The court gave a golem the signet ring for one afternoon. It bought a timeshare in a fictional castle, subscribed the King to a mystery language, and bowed to a note under the door. An inquiry followed.
August 2026How to Survive a Ransomware Attack: The King's Battle Plan
Ransomware is a tax on the unprepared, and the Duke paid it in full. The court's own defences: a decoy treasury of geese, the Feast of the Restore, and encrypting everything first out of spite.
August 2026What Happens If the Internet Goes Down? The King Explains
The whole internet almost never dies, which disappoints the King annually. A report from the court's rehearsal of the Great Silence: paper maps, mutinous smart bulbs, and Gateway the pigeon.
August 2026Will AI Take Over the World? The King Answers
The robots are not coming for your throne. The court has nonetheless catered a welcome banquet since 2019, interviewed several machine minds for the position of overlord, and lost a treasury ledger to a golem with beautiful manners.
August 2026